Lawncare – you’ve probably heard this one before

This topic contains 7 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Swansong 10 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #13722

    Jacqui
    Moderator

    GOD:

    Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

    St. FRANCIS:

    It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD:

    Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD:

    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS:

    Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    GOD:

    They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD:

    They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD:

    Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    Yes, Sir.

    GOD:

    These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS:

    You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD:

    What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS:

    You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD:

    No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD:

    And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS:

    They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD:

    Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE:

    ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

    GOD:

    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Viewing 7 replies - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #21323

    Swansong
    Participant

    I would appreciate it Jacqui if you would not close this thread as I would like the freedom to answer it at a more appropriate time. Right now I have some other pressing issues to deal with, which you know about.

    Swansong

    #21256

    Jacqui
    Moderator

    Hi Swansong,

    Since yesterday I’ve had time to give this matter a lot of thought. I certainly did not intend it to be offensive or disrespectful to anyone. According to my beliefs it is not offensive to God.

    Coming to this forum is a very pleasant part of the day for me – and I think everyone else too. Everyone can join in; no-one is questioned on their faith or religion, politics or anything like that. I mean, just recently we had a good debate on the kindest way to euthanase a sick or dying creature and while we may disagree on the “best” way, at least we can agree to disagree – and continue in a friendly manner.

    So I wanted to put on record that you gave me cause to look at my values; I paused and re-evaluated them. I do apologise that it offended you (and I mean YOU, singular, and anyone else that feels that way) as that was not the intention. There may be non-Christians who visit here, for instance, who worship another God besides yours/mine.

    According to my beliefs and values, the story was not offensive or disrespectful. And it may be another example of when we choose, we can agree to disagree.

    #21249

    Gilly
    Participant

    I do think that God would have a sense of humour… if he didn’t, he would be in despair mode over humans of late.

    #21247

    Anonymous

    A nice yarn about how silly we humans are.
    Thanks, Jacqui.

    #21240

    Swansong
    Participant

    Which god are you talking about ? I take it, it is the God of the Bible as He is the only one who qualifies having a Capital G…. therefore as a Christian who fears God because He is an awesome and holy God, I find this post offensive and certainly disrespectful in that it lacks reverence due to God alone.

    Reason:
    Trickery comes in by using God hyperthetically.

    Even though God is being “used” in a seemingly legitimate manner, and the message certainly has a ring of truth, in fact that part is a subtle mockery of God, which is the worst type, because people are less likely to put their finger on it. If that isnt bad enough then theres the BLATANT mockery by making Him look casual by engaging in casual converstation and generally being less knowledgeable than His counterpart is….AS IF He needs to ask a go-between like Francis OR anybody else, to learn anything! He is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient.

    What you are actually passing on, is a story built on lies about who God is. Examples:

    “What in the world is going on down there on the planet?”
    God does NOT need to ask us what is going on down here. HE already knows.

    “I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.”
    No. Nowhere in the Scripture does it say this. He has a plan which will work out exactly as He has said.

    “Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful.”
    God was PLEASED with what He created, and certainly wasnt bored with it and He created it to be green for a reason..

    “GOD:
    The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.”
    God DOES NOT use words like “probably” and then be corrected not once but NUMEROUS times by a person HE created in the 1st place.

    “That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. “
    As if God needs to be coy about what He created!

    “St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts.”
    This idea is a preposterous lie! Nowhere in the scripture does it say anything remotely like this.

    If you read the Bible (KJV) and especially the book of Revelation, He is NOT asking us what is happening, HE is TELLING us what is going to happen and this is more up to date than tomorrows newspaper.

    God is fact. He only deals in the truth. This scenario DID NOT happen. He is not to be taken lightly or joked around with. Butterflies and everything else WILL inevitably fit into Gods plan, NOT the other way around.

    Gal 6:7 Be not deceived, God is NOT mocked…. (emphasis mine)

    Swansong

    #21224

    NormTwigge
    Participant

    I love it ! How accurate and true.
    Norm.

    #21223

    Gilly
    Participant

    This is so true… humans have generally lost the plot 🙂

Viewing 7 replies - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

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